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Science is once again hard at work on your hard on. While some people devote their lives to breed smaller, hairless kittens and others want to cure rectal warts, a select few eschew the trivial matters of the world and dive head first into what is most important. And what is most important is trying to find a way to not get your chicken choked into unconsciousness by a pain in the ass condom.

Our next leap in the constant effort to advance humping is the gel condom. Will it change the world? It’ll probably fail epically, but that’s neither here nor there. If it sounds like some kind of ooze you just squirt on your wang, like maybe a liquid bandaid, you’re almost correct. You just need to think much weirder.

The gel condom is basically some kind of lube you squirt into a vagina. So far so good. Sorta. It stays in its gel form in the vagina, because vagina is acidic, which is why your wang no doubt smokes sometimes when you whip it out. When it comes in contact with sperm, which is alkaline, it turns solid and will trap anything wider than 50 nanometers across, which could even include HIV. That’s scientifically amazing!

On the other hand, and this is unscientific of course, but that shit is creepy. It turns solid? What does that mean? When you cum in a woman she’s just going to instantly develop some kind of spooge shaped buckshot? Or like rubber ropes or something? Isn’t that really weird?

The gel is a ways off from being a viable method of birth and disease control, clinical trials need to be done to make sure it works and doesn’t cause vaginas to mutate because lord knows we don’t need vaginas that have flippers or anything like that, but it’s on the table now and it may one day work.

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