All The News For Atlanta Escorts.

Recently I proved myself to be a prophet of the Apocalypse by doing a blog post on celebrities who’d do better as prostitutes. Mostly it was a baseless rant about celebrities who I feel have wasted time, fame and money and really haven’t contributed much beyond wank fantasies to the world. With the exception of Renee Zellwegger, I just can’t stand her.

Was my mind tuned into the future when I made that post? No. This story has barely anything to do with that one, other than that there’s a celebrity and prostitution included in what’s going on. According to Kitty Kelley’s new biography of Oprah Winfrey, O referred to herself as a teen prostitute. I literally refuse to read any more on the subject to determine whether that’s literal, metaphorical or otherwise. My psyche simply can’t handle it. But it does put a fearsome new spin on my post. See, I was being a good guy when I wrote mine. I suggested Britney Spears and Salma Hayek for God’s sake. They’re hot. No offence to Oprah or anyone who may have a desire to fuck her, but let’s be very congenial by saying she’s not hot in the traditional sense.

Given the revelation, however, it makes me wonder. If Oprah could be a prostitute, then who else? If you liked my last list, prepare to hate me.

• Bea Arthur. Yes, she’s passed on now, but we all remember her well. And you know what, she was a funny woman but man did she look like a longshoreman. Try to imagine paying for sex with the guy who fixed your dad’s car as a kid and there you are.

• Janet Reno. I imagine sex with Janet Reno is a lot like sex with a caveman or a refrigerator. No matter what happens, you’ll hurt yourself and there will be no warmth. Still, try to picture Reno having a website advertising her services complete with some risqué and tasteful photos of her in lingerie. Did you just black out? Me too.

• Amy Winehouse.

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