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Arguably history is full of many people who aren’t prostitutes but are famous. However not so many people got famous for being a prostitute when they, in fact, were not. But it has happened. And the person it most famously happened to was Mary Magdalene.

Religion and prostitution go together like peas and carrots. Their history together (and apart) is sordid and full of ups and downs and it is long as hell. For every religious zealot who condemned prostitution another promoted it. For every nun who worked on the street with abused women who were forced into it, there was a televangelist paying for it on the side. They’re like two crazy kids who just don’t realize they’re in love and need to settle down together.

Dan Brown, author of the DaVinci Code, would have you believe that Mary Magdalene’s whoredom is part of a grand religious conspiracy. If you’ve ever been to a Catholic Mass you know the church doesn’t have time to conspire to do anything, they’re far too dedicated to putting everyone to sleep. It makes for a mediocre movie, however. That aside, the truth of the matter is there were some shady dealings way back when. Mary Magdalene, one of Christ’s apostles, was turned into a whore by a pope.

Pope Gregory, for whatever reason, decided that Mary Magdalene, Mary of Bethany, and a prostitute who is never named were all the same person. And to convince everyone else of that fact, he altered what passages of the Bible were to be read on Mary’s feast day to one’s about the woman washing Christ’s feet with her hair, which is what hookers did back in the day because blowjobs hadn’t been invented yet (I swear to God that wasn’t sacrilegious).

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