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… Ahhh yes… you would sow them and see what pops up. A lot pop up into big, bushy marijuana plants. Some turn out to be cocoa plants and you can make chocolate from these for the munchies from the marijuana. Yet others turn into coca plants, the leaves of which are used to make your bog standard cocaine… and of course crack cocaine… which really fuck’s you up and can make you look a ‘right Charlie’… no pun intended. Any magic beans that don’t sprout can be distilled into a very potent magical brew called ‘Tiger’s Blood’ which is an absolute mind crippler according to a wizard who is a good friend of mine.’
Mr. Twartzenfadge then stated in his expert opinion that although the likelihood of Mr. Sheen having a few bazillion magic beans was very high indeed, he didn’t think that Mr. Sheen’s brain had been eaten away to the extent that he would actually be stupid enough to plant them all, then imbibe all they produced in the presence of prostitutes and end up making a complete twat of himself for everybody elses amusement.

See the full article from “The Spoof (satire)”